Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Kindergarten: Day 1 Down; Day 2 Reality

Yesterday was Hadley's first day of Kindergarten and it went great. Mike and I walked her down to school, spent some time in her classroom and said our good byes. She was so happy and excited to be there. I also had the opportunity to pick her up which was AWESOME! I swear, those smiles at the end of the day are better than any other. 

Today was Day 2. Mike and I carpooled to work so we both got to drop her off. This was the strangest thing. Day 1 had so much excitement, preparation and special time. Today was very strange. Our sweet little girl hopped out of the car, put on her backpack and approached the gate. Mike got out to give her a hug which was adorable. I stayed in the car and observed. Wow. This is happening. This is real. She is a big girl. Now. Not tomorrow. Now. 

Mike got back in the car and we both watched Hadley. She looked back at me and asked if I would pick her up again. I reminded her Yara would be there this afternoon with baby Hannah and Harrison. She slowly replied "Okay." Then she went on to ask "What about tomorrow? Can you drop me off and pick me up?" Hmmm. I looked at her for a moment, took it in and replied, "We'll talk about it tonight. Have a great day at school." It took all I had in me to hold back the tears. I wish I could. I wish I could pick her up from school every day. I love that end of day smile. 

As we pulled away from the curb, Hadley walked down the stairs and Mike asked me "Should we circle the block?" and I grinned. He was having his Daddy moment too. He was reflecting on this Day 2 milestone in his own way. He wanted to make sure she did okay. So we did just that, we circled the block and when we got back to the gate, our sweet baby girl had hung her backpack on the hook and was approaching a group of little girls. 

There it is. She is off. She is a Kindergartner. 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Botox or no Botox?

Vanity is everywhere. 

Go Be Lovely Candle can be found at Anthropologie.
My scent pick is the Coconut Milk Mango. 

Southern California is particularly vain. I grew up here so in a way I am used to it. An ordinary morning at the grocery store you are bound to see a woman with all of the following enhancements:
  • Beautiful perfectly shaped and sized breasts
  • Long eyelash extensions
  • Smooth forehead
  • Plump lips
  • Manicured nails
  • Tan skin
  • Shaped brows 
  • Highlighted hair
  • Hairless bikini area
  • The list goes on…

Physical appearance is valued very highly. Not only do people spend a lot of money improving their appearance they also work-out a lot and eat healthy. Single ladies have some serious competition when it comes to finding a man! I think I was really lucky to meet Mike when I was 23. Looking good then was much easier (and cheaper!) than it is today.

Years later I try to keep my vanity in check. Looking 23 again sounds really great in theory but in practice it isn't what I want to spend time or money on. So far, I have avoided most of the beauty enhancements available. My hair is turning grey and I am letting it be. I shared more about that here.  I do get my nails done pretty often and really enjoy the time relaxing and the pretty results. 

One beauty enhancement I really do want to do is Botox. My forehead lines and brow lines are already deep and I am young. In college, my roommates would post Botox ads on my bulletin board. Rude! My face lines in that area started early from the way I use my facial muscles. The way I express myself. It is something that just happens. Botox seems like such an easy thing to do with limited risk. The results are instant and the effect lasts long enough, but not forever.

I am very tempted. Then I think why would I risk putting any sort of foreign substance into my head? Into my face? Into the area where my brain is? Scary! For vanity. Botox doesn't appear to be a smart choice.

Yet, even with that logical evaluation of the situation, I still want Botox. I would love a smooth forehead.  Maybe if I do it now, I won’t need to do it later? Maybe I can prevent these lines from getting worse? I shared this with Mike recently and he just sort of rolled his eyes at me and was like “Really?”

Many women I know do this and don’t tell their husbands. I’m not sure if the husbands see the change and just ignore it and don’t say anything or if they don’t even see it. I wonder. This is something I couldn't do without talking to Mike about. Mike isn't adamantly against it but I think he sees it as a waste of money and silly vanity.


Monday, August 25, 2014

Sick Men

Why are men such babies when they are sick? Is it because they yearn to be taken care of. Is this the real opportunity for them to show vulnerability in a safe way? I have always wondered why men generally really are babies when they are sick.

Jonathan Alder Lacquer Tissue Box - Simple is so good! 

It isn’t just my hubby. I have noticed this with my dad, coworkers, clients and the average man you bump into. When a man is sick, they just sort of seek dotting. 

Friday, August 22, 2014

Kinder Orientation

Today was Hadley's kindergarten orientation and it was awesome! She is beaming with excitement. She doesn't have any best buddies in her class but that's okay. In fact, I think that is best. She is social, creative and ready to learn. Learning to make new friendships will be good for her. 

Mike and I both got to attend the orientation to meet her teacher, Mrs. B. She is a joy. I have a feeling this year will really propel Hadley in new wonderful directions. 

xoxo my sweet baby girl is growing up. 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Someday Wish List

For years I have kept a note on my phone with a "Someday Wish List." The list is reserved for special things I would love to have some day. The list isn't too long, but the items are completely unnecessary or hard to find. When Mike and I were in Portland (no sales tax in Portland, big plus!), I bought the first item off the list. A Louis Vuitton bag. Not, just any bag, the specific bag I have coveted for years. 

It sounds simple, right? Wish list. Save up. Go to store and purchase item. 

Well, if you are like me, when you walk in to Louis Vuitton with enough money and permission to purchase a fancy handbag, it is impossible to just buy the one you came for. You must explore! 

The first bag I saw when I walked in was this lovely cream and navy monogram bag with a gorgeous clasp. The clasp is what caught my eye. I love this bag. It is beautiful, a great size without being too big and a simple shape. The lining feels good too. Love it. 

Apparently difficult to find, because is it impossible to find on the LV website. 
Next stop was a costumer service person who pulled out the specific bag on my wish list. I explored it in detail. Mike watched me with curiosity. Then he asked all sorts of questions I hadn't anticipated. Pretty cute. He was shocked at the price of course. Then we he found it wasn't leather he had a moment. 
Neverfull GM Monogram

While we were talking about the new bag I spotted this one. Nice. Love the substantial handle. It is big but not as wide as the Neverfull which is actually a plus. Definitely a great option. 
Artsy MM Monogram
After about an hour of exploring, I bought the bag I came for. The Neverfull is just classic. I love the iconic monogram. I chose the fuchsia lining for a bit of color. If the first bag would have come in the classic monogram, I would have been even more tempted to stray from the wish list. But in the end, I would have still wanted this bad boy. I used it for the first time on Friday and loved it! 

My LV. 
If anything ever had dual purpose, it is this bag. Just this weekend I used it for a lunch and spa day with women who work in my industry and a pool party with my family. Score! 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A New Pursuit: Optimism

I really respect optimistic people. I have never been one of them. Since I can remember, I have always been looking multiple steps ahead to prepare for the worst. 


Awesome card from an awesome card shop remarkdesigns on Etsy. 

Generally, life has treated me pretty well. In fact, life has always turned out pretty great. I'm not trying to brag here. I am just sharing about a recent self exploration. And it kind of starts out this way. So if you read on, know this is an exercise for me. Not a brag session. 

In the past, I have always gotten what I wanted. Well, maybe not every single thing... but anything important. I got into a great college. Graduated in four years while working. A great job. A wonderful husband. Nice car. Traveled the world. Beautiful home. One, then two, now three amazing kids. All angel babies. All slept through the night before three months old. Sunshine more than gloomy days. All in all, life is pretty rad. 

So why am I always anticipating the worst? Always stressed out? Always ahead instead of present in the now? If it has all worked out in the past, it will work out in the future, right? Or maybe not? 

I think it might be catching up with me. It is time to change. I need to enjoy. If I don't start to enjoy now, when will I? When I am 85? Nope. I want to enjoy life now. 

Perfect example, just yesterday I posted about my stress on Hadley's first day of kindergarten. This big debate in my head: pick up or not to pick up? What??!! Am I crazy? I might just be. Either way, it will still be Hadley's first day of kindergarten. Either way, I will get to be apart of it. Why am I stressed out about it a week in advance. That is the silliest thing. 

The thing is, that is just how my mind has been wired. To project into the future. 

In many ways, I think this foresight and extremely detailed thoughts about the possibilities ahead of me have allowed me to seize opportunities. I have used this pessimistic and cautious outlook on life to help me get what I want. In a way, to manipulate the future. It has worked. But it is exhausting. I am so tired of feeling stressed.

Recently my best friend and I were chatting about this realization. She made a comment that really stuck with me, "You are always a 12." And I replied, "You mean on a scale of 10??!! I am a 12. Always?" and she confirmed. Hmmm. 

So I am working on being more optimistic. Seeing all the good around me. Having gratitude. I hope that doesn't lead to a boring blog... yikes... there i go again. Rewrite: I'll have to find a way to make this interesting for the blog. 

Wish me luck, for your own sake! 


Monday, August 18, 2014

Kindergarten: Big decision for me...

So next week is the big week. Hadley starts kindergarten on Tuesday. Deep breath. I am so excited for her. She is pretty nervous which is so sweet. 

Hadley and one of her best friends, Colette. Adorable.

On the first day of school I am going to walk her to class. We live about 7 minutes away down a little dirt path. One of the reasons we bought our house, was so we could use that little path to walk our kids to school. Tuesday we get to use it for that purpose for the first time. Exciting. 

My big dilemma:  do I pick her up from school? I want to pick her up BADLY. Pick up is one of the things I get jealous of stay-at-home-moms about. That's the fun one! The kids are always so excited to see you. They are ready to share all about their adventures. I rarely get to experience pick up. 

School drop off is always hard. Hadley is bound to be excited to finally be at kindergarten, meet new friends, her teacher and to learn new things but she will also be clinging to me. Asking me to stay longer. It kills me. It kills me every time and pulls at my emotions. I usually start off thinking it is cute. Then I get annoyed. Then I get kind of angry and start thinking "enough already... its time for me to go." I'm sure my therapist would tell me it is that way, because I allow it to be that way. Whatever. It's hard. 

So pick up on the first day of kindergarten seems like it would be the golden ticket. One of those special moments. A day that happens once. Selfishly, I really really really want to be there. I want to see her excitement. Hear all the immediate details of the kids, the classroom, the teacher, everything. But when I think about what is best for the long run, I think establishing her new routine from the get go would be better for Hadley. It might also be better for me. The reality is, I can't do pick up very often. So maybe I should let her first week be the week to set the tone for the reality.

A lot of me says F*ck it. Pick her up. Enjoy it. She will love it. You will love it. These are the moments life are about. But then I hesitate... hmmmm. What to do?